I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
