No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
