suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
