so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
