I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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