you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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