I cannot find my penis.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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