Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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