bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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