At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
