Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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