I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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