Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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