Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
