I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
how does that bad decision feel?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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