I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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