"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
