11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
