She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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