I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
