508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
