hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
