soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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