this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
