hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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