I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
