We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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