Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
