Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
