i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
