you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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