no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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