I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
