I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
