Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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