we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
FUCK WHALES
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
