I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
