I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
