You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
