Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
