Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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