Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Randomize
