I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just cropdusted the office
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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