There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just pee around me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
