Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
