yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
