Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
