ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
