Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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