I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
