Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
