People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
