My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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