I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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