I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
