I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
