I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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