dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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