aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
