I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My dick has a subreddit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
