He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
