ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
