You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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