she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
