After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
