there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
