I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
