five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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