I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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