So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
