I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Even my vagina gasped.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
