Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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