If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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