ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
