Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
