Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize