he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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