R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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