Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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