I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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