so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
