This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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